Doing Hard Things Well

“The difficulty of a person’s job can be measured by the number of relationships that must be maintained.” A former boss of mine would always remind me of that when I asked him for advice on how to handle a certain teacher or employee. As you can tell, my boss and I were both introverts. 

It’s true, though. It was always people and relationships that kept me from sleeping soundly. Those people and relationships, in fact, would often stay with me long after I did fall asleep. I still dream about some of those folks. There are times I am embarrassed because of the way I supervised and managed certain people. If I could have a do-over on my career, there are some things I would have done differently. My neighbor likes to imagine living life backwards, from old to young, rather than young to old. If that could be done, I would have brought more wisdom to my workplace. 

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in The Cost of Discipleship, says this about relationships: “[Jesus] stands between us and God, and for that very reason he stands between us and all other men and things. He is the Mediator, not only between God and man, but between man and man. … Christ stands between us, and we can only get in touch with our neighbors through him.”

In my do-over, I would try hard to view my neighbors through the eyes of Jesus, our Mediator. That perspective would not absolve me from doing the hard things, but it would move me to do those hard things differently. Before allowing anger and resentment to grow, I would pray for the mind of Christ and ask Him to control my emotions. Instead of avoiding the employee whose performance was lacking, I would pray for and with them. Rather than “catching” someone in the act, I would steer them toward a better path. 

I’m sure if I could do it all over again, there would still be teachers put on probation and eventually released. Students would still get detentions. Some would be suspended, and a few would even get expelled. In my so-called do-over, perhaps all of the hard things I did as a supervisor would still be done. Looking through the lens of Jesus, however, would cause me to think far less about my own anxious feelings and more about my neighbor’s. Some of the difficult things would be done more quickly, not postponing the inevitable, while others would require more time and thought in order to do them well. 

Looking through the lens of Jesus, however, would cause me to think far less about my own anxious feelings and more about my neighbor’s.

I didn’t mess everything up in my career. One year, early in my tenure as a high school principal, I hired an underemployed scientist who had never taught. It was a late summer hire and we were kind of stuck. I knew this hire was a risk and, sure enough, it did not go well. The year was horrible. Lance was a nice guy and he worked hard, but he simply could not teach. The students were unruly and he had no clue how to keep order. 

I remember inviting him into my office when it was time for contracts for the following year. “Lance, you know, and I know, that this year has not gone well. It’s clear to see that you do not enjoy coming to work. You’re anxious. You’re tighter than a drum and the students can tell.” He was nodding in agreement. “We were stuck, last August,” I continued, “and you jumped in to help us out. You put in long hours, this year, and worked harder than all of your colleagues. You’re intelligent and gifted in many ways and I believe God has a plan for you. I just do not see that plan taking place in a high school classroom. We cannot offer you a contract for next school year.” 

Lance left my office lighter. He was so relieved. I honestly think he would have signed on for another year of misery, if given the chance, but he was grateful that someone pointed out to him what he already knew. I’m proud of the way I handled that. I’m even more proud of the way Lance handled it. We parted ways with mutual respect and brotherly love. 

As Bonhoeffer reminds us, Jesus stands between us and everyone else. When we look at our neighbor through that lens that is Christ, we see others differently. Hard and difficult things will still have to get done, but they will be done in love. 

A Silent Prayer Before an Employee Conference – Amanda Duvall, in Every Moment Holy

I have been entrusted with another’s work, O Lord, and so hold power either to build up or to break down. Let me be gracious and helpful in my approach, that my words might cultivate a greater good, both in the work and in the image-bearer before me. Might this be my goal:

to lead humbly,

to encourage liberally,

to correct charitably.   Amen.